On Wed, 29 Oct 2003 07:40:22 -0600, "Scott Lee"
wrote:

Any tips for getting through the airport with skis ?

There are several alternatives, including the Texas Tote and the
Flailing Floridian; however, you'll be best served by performing a
modified Colorado Cool-guy if you really want to bag the ladies.
Stewardesses will positively gush when they see you coming.

First off, don't listen to those losers espousing the use of
"ski-bags" and "boot-bags" and stuff. They're morons. You want to
make sure that your gear is completely visible to the uncool
non-skiing public that you're trying to impress. Of course the first
step is to be sure you have purchased the absolute latest, not
available to the public, titanium reinforced, platinum plated, and -
most importantly - positively THE most expensive skis, boots and
poles you can find on the planet. Having accomplished that, I'd
recommend accessorizing with a Mink Lined Bogner One-Piece, preferably
one actually worn by Stein himself. There are a couple of folks that
post here that routinely ski with him, so they should be able to hook
you up with a real insider's deal.

Now you're ready to go. Put on all of your ski gear (including boots
and goggles) and hop in the H2. Don't forget to take the winch cover
off. You may also want to bungee cord a a shovel and a couple of
gerry cans to the roof just in case. Now that you're ready, put her
in reverse - but don't forget to click the garage door opener first!
Once you get on the road, you should break out the cell phone and the
Instant Tanning Lotion and really start to multi-task. You may want
to take off your Maui Jim's for the lotion part, but be sure to put
them back on before you approach any traffic lights or parking
garages. (See Chapter 3 "High Visibility Areas and You - How to get
laid while on a business trip.")

Approach the airport. Do not, under any circumstances park in Long
Term Parking. Don't even park in Short Term Parking either. As a
matter of fact, you don't park at all. Pull that bright yellow earth
eater directly up to the curb at the busiest ingress/egress point you
can find. Call your secretary to pick it up. She just gets such a
kick out of those crazy errands you have her run! If you haven't
already done so, egage all 4 subwoofers and crank the stereo up to
around 11. "Ice Ice Baby" would be a perfect song for the unloading
process.

Next week....."Inside The Airport - Using your skis as a weapon"

JP
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Creatively exhausted. Or bankrupt. You tell me.....